generating happiness November 18, 2008
Posted by deepali in happiness, personal growth.trackback
Last week was my birthday. I think birthdays are a good time to look back at your life and think about what makes life good and bad. This year, I think I am happier than I was last year. And in fact, life seems to be getting progressively better. So what’s changed? I can’t speak for everyone, but some things I’ve done that I think have had a positive effect on me:
1. Take a realistic assessment of your life. Are you where you want to be? If not, what would you need to do to get there? In the past couple of years I’ve taken a look at my finances and my career and decided that there were things I could do to bolster both. I needed to get out of debt and set up a long-term savings plan, and I needed some vital experience to progress professionally.
2. Make a plan (or plans). I created a budget to get out of debt, and explored ways to increase savings. I also worked towards a masters degree, changed positions at work to gain some additional skills, and looked for opportunities to pick up some international research experience as well.
While these are some practical tips for getting life in order, there are also some more intuitive fundamental perceptions that I’ve changed:
3. Stop taking things personally. One thing I’ve really learned is that everything isn’t about me. In fact, less than a sixth of it is. Not only are people more caught up in their own lives, but they’re probably thinking the same thing I am about faults and foibles. So, instead of worrying about what I did wrong, I just accept things as they are. Chances are, no cares as much as I do anyway!
4. Try something scary (maybe even every day). One thing about us is that we are always seeking comfort and security. We try to wrap ourselves in safe little cocoons, and then something comes along to mess things up and we fall apart. But, if we consciously and willingly put ourselves in emotionally precarious situations, we find our own sense of inner strength and resilience. Stepping outside the comfort zone means broadening your perspective.
5. Learn empathy. I think one big step towards happiness is to practice kindness towards others. It’s easy, of course, to do so with those we get along with. But what about that person who gets on your nerves? How can you be kind to them when you just want to punch them? I think it starts with little things – not taking it personally, trying to put yourself in their shoes, remembering a time when you made someone want to punch you. Chances are, their annoying behavior has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with circumstances in their life.
6. Let go. This is the most important, and the hardest, thing you will ever do in your life. I certainly can’t claim I’m good with this one. But I am slowly (and painfully) coming to understand that control is an illusion. There is only one thing in life you can control – your actions. This means you can’t control what anyone else does. You can’t even control your emotions or thoughts. And you shouldn’t want to. But, you can control how you react to thoughts, emotions, and other people’s actions. And how you react is the single biggest factor in whether you are happy, or not.
This is not a prescription for happiness, and I can’t guarantee success. I’m still working on it. But I certainly feel a greater freedom, and a lot less fear. And that I think is a key element of moving towards happiness.
what a great list. i can certainly take my cue from you on some of these, especially the “let go” “learn empathy” and “don’t take it personally” tips. i need to hang those up somewhere i’ll see them regularly.
Great list! Number 4 is a challenge for me. I like being comfortable, the thought of being uncomfortable makes me sick. I guess that’s what it’s about! Thanks for sharing this
Wow, what a great post. Happy belated birthday, and well done on what has obviously been a very prosperous year emotionally and financially. I will definitely be re-reading this list a few times and taking some cues from it!
I absolutely love this list and my main focus is number 3. It is the biggest problem I have with other people, mainly, because this aspect is something I do religiously. I could care less what people say or do, even if it relates to me. I give people the benefit of the thought many times that their true intentions were not the way things came accross. The problem remains that as I am secure in that other people do not mean what they say, others are not so forgiving in my antics, words, and actions, so many times I really have to scale back per my audience, even if it means me taking a step back and not acting like myself for a few moments. Too many sensitive people out there who often find themselves having ZERO fun. Look what you made me write girl! You got me thinking before 11 AM again!
Wow! What an excellent post – several things I can certainly take to heart and work on for sure (i.e. “empathy” – I’m quite snappish at work lately because I’m finding I just don’t care as much as I should). Part of it is frustration because my job isn’t permanent and goes from month to month to month…
May I “cut & paste” so I can have this on hand to review from time to time?
I love this post and it is soo timely for me. You have put down in words what has been whirling in my brain the past few weeks. My biggest obstacles recently have been #3 and #6. I’ve got to learn to let go and not take things personally. Not that it’s all about me, but I have to remind myself that I tend to make a situation about me when it’s really not. Great post!
Hi there-a really great post and certainly food for thought too. You’ve made excellent progress and I’m very inspired, thanks for sharing these!!
well, haha. i was just running my mouth, so to speak, last night. wasn’t expecting such a response!
@ neiman marxist – i think “learn empathy” naturally flows into “don’t take it personally” and “let it go”…. and is the easiest of the three to learn and practice!
@ frugal dreamer – start small! try a new food or a different route to work, or whatever. do it mindfully, and really experience what happens. maybe write it down, and then you will always have a reference.
@ mademistakes – thanks! glad you find it useful.
@ dr s – sometimes “not taking it personally” also means “not taking it personally when others take it personally”
. i think as long as your intention is good, that’s all you can do!
@ annie – cut and paste away! and also, nothing is permanent, really. find freedom in the lack of restrictions.
@ bouncing back betty – glad i could help articulate.
i think #3 and #6 are strongly related to #5!
@ sharon rose – thanks! i feel like i’ve made progress too!
(P.S. Have some cold weather pointers for you, but this didn’t really seem the appropriate entry to post them on!).
Excellent list. Everything on it resonated with me. I really need to spend some time on this type of introspection.