Paradigm Shifted

My one big fear in life (aside from mediocrity) is that I’ll turn into my mom. You know what they say about we eventually become our parents. That really frightens me. It’s not that my mom is a bad person, but she’s just not the person I want to be. On the other hand, when I was younger, I thought I wanted to be like my dad. I’ve since learned otherwise – I’d rather just be my own person (though I’m still somewhat afraid that I’m destined to marry a man like my dad).

But lately, I’ve been thinking about my parents, and about how I’m more like them than I’d care to admit. Both of them have really good qualities, but I’m starting to notice that I’ve actually picked up some of their bad habits. This is starting to echo in a few key places in my life:

Finances. My mom is a financial whiz. She grew up not having too much, and learned frugality at an early age. For some reason, it never caught on for me. Instead, I picked up my dad’s bad spending habits (but luckily not his gambling addiction).

Health. Again, my mom is the disciplined one. She weighs herself everyday and eats like a bird. She also takes daily walks. However, her diet is on the poor side. My dad ate whatever he wanted until about two years ago when he had an MI and triple bypass. He’s gotten better, but my mom hasn’t learned how to reduce oil and butter from cooking too well. For most of my life, I ate unhealthily and never exercised.

Emotions. Neither of my parents deal too well with their emotions; I think it’s a cultural thing. They don’t express their feelings very often, and both can be prone to anger under stress. I’ve found that I’m also prone to quick bursts of anger and impatience. But my dad is also pretty good about handling daily stress.

Work. My parents are both hardworkers, but again, my mom has more discipline. But neither of them particularly enjoy their work. I spent a good part of my life doing things I didn’t care too much about.

Home life. My mom is a neat freak. My dad is a mess. Guess which category I fit into. Again, discipline plays a major role here. On the other hand, my mom will sleep in forever, and my dad is an early riser.

But the first step in making a change is identifying both the problem and the source of the problem. Family plays a huge role in determining behavior, but so too do peers. So while I’ve picked up many bad habits from my parents, a lot of those were also reinforced by the community in which I lived. Even now, social determinants of behavior influence our choices.

So now that I’ve narrowed down some of these areas, I’ve started to work to change my behavior to reflect the person I’d like to be. I’ve finally started emulating my mother’s financial choices (though I think I can do better) and I’m working to pick up her disciplined home habits. I’m also starting to soak in some of my dad’s laissez-faire attitude to life and will hopefully set in place his early rising habit. And I’m letting go of the unhealthy habits they both have, and am working towards getting myself into kick-ass shape. Part of what is helping me to do so is changing my environment – I’m trying to surround myself with people with similar goals or ideals for support and accountability.

So even if genetics seems like destiny, it doesn’t have to be. Are there any habits you’ve picked up from your parents that you’d like to change? And any you’d like to change?